2016 Progressive Poem
A squall of hawk wings stirs the sky
A hummingbird holds and then hies
If I could fly, I’d choose to be
Sailing through a forest of poet-trees
A cast of crabs engraves the sand
Delighting a child’s outstretched hand
If I could breathe under the sea
I am very happy to be participating in this year’s Progressive, and collective, Poem, started and each year renewed by Irene Latham. This year Laura kicked it off with a beautiful opening line, which Joy, Doraine, Diane, Penny, and Carol have all built on beautifully.
When I sat down to write I felt I had an interesting decision about whether to echo the structure of the first stanza. I decided that I would because I was intrigued by the “I” and wanted to bring that voice back into the poem. I considered following the third line more closely with something like “If I could dig, I’d choose,” or “If I could creep, I’d choose,” but those actions didn’t seem as much of a stretch as flying. I also wasn’t sure I wanted to take the poem under the sand, so instead I took us into the ocean. I can’t wait to see where Janet takes us next.
All the best,
Liz
Your lovely line is flows perfectly & provides so many possibilities.
Thank you!
Love the idea of a repeated structure. It helps guide us. Your cinquain work inspired my poem today. Thanks.
I’m so happy to hear that. I’ll go see if you’ve posted it.
Perfect, Liz! I love your line, both because you repeated the structure of the first stanza and because this poem has one foot in reality and one foot in imagination.
I’m enjoying that too, Michelle.
Yes, I think you have taken this poem to a nice place, and it looks so poetically focused now… bringing back to the I and echoing the first stanza! It’s satisfying, thought-provoking, and open to possibilities!
Isn’t it amazing that all these things happen across writers? It’s almost as if the poem has a mind of its own.
I like the echo, too, Liz. “If I could breathe under the sea” adds magic to the poem beautifully, or simply a wish. You’ve introduced everyone to more ideas! Terrific!
Thanks, Linda!
Beautiful evocative line, Liz and it gels so well as a whole now.
Thanks, Catherine.
Liz, leading us back to the narrator in the first paragraph gives the next set of writers a chance to explore the flight of fantasy and wonder that fills the world. The ocean always draws readers to its depths so let’s see what can be found there. As for the words you chose, I think they provide another charge for the narrator as her imagination soars.
Thank you. I’m very eager to see where the poem goes from here.
This is going swimmingly. I love the presence of nature, a child, and now a new life under the sea.
Thanks, Brenda, I can’t wait to see what the next writers find there.
Oh I love this wistful line!! Thank you, Liz! xo
Thanks, Irene, and thanks for inspiriting such a wonderful, community experience.
Love that you’ve taken us from the crabs on the sand into the depths of the sea…and focused on breath as the wondrous element there. Beautiful transition!
Thanks, Buffy. Crabs are cool. I think they might need their own poem.
I like the fact you’re maintaining the integrity of the first stanza while stretching the imagery into the sea…looking forward to seeing where this goes!
We are all pretending together…such fun! I am really enjoying this… xx
I’m so excited about your line. I love that you echoed the structure! And speaking of echo, I echo Michelle—”this poem has one foot in reality and one foot in imagination.” I really like that because we have beautiful language and vocabulary mixed with childlike imagination and wonder. Perfect for a KID-litopshere poem!
Nice job, Liz!
Hi Liz ! I was swimming along probing the depths yesterday. Thank you for giving me such a fun place to go. I weighted many options and did enjoy how you gave the poem the repeating structure. I love watching this Progressive Poem unfold and marvel each year. (Sweat the words I choose, wondering if they are the “right ones” but love it nonetheless!) Glad you were right before me.
And, spash! – below the water we go. Thanks for the thoughtful creation of your line, Liz – I’m off to see where Janet took it, since I’m running behind this week and just now catching up.
Hi, Liz–I’m catching up line by line, but I’m not keeping up with everything else very well at all this year! You’re having a most productive month, however. I’m excited that you chose to bring back the “If” and the “I” from the first stanza–it both unites what could have become some disjoint pieces of the poem and swims away from that external child back into voice that lives in the poem.
If you have any music match-up thoughts, send them my way…still a lot of airtime available!